A long night bus ride. A getaway from the bustling long weekend in KL. Minutes after the journey began, my heart kept nudging. Something wasn’t right. Women’s instinct, six sense, intuition or whatever you can name it, it hit hard. My egoistic brain refused to respond and shut my worrisome heart down. An hour ago, I received horrible news of him. For the first time, I didn’t know what should be done. I have 4 different numbers of his, all I wanted was to hear his voice again. The little gems flashed back in front of my eyes.

This funny love/hate/denial relationship is unbearable. We turned so cold, distant and bitter today. The trip is at stake now. All I want now is to be in the bustling city, wrapped myself in your arms and let the little gems sparkle. Nudge me.

New things.

Have you ever wonder why we’re always excited about the new things?

The new breath lingering on her neck tonight;
the new dress for the summer collection;
the new toy that little girl just picked up;
the new boy in the school;
the new club in town.
Something new, unpredictable, remains mysterious.
The adrenaline rush, the feeling caught you and me off guard.

This gloomy afternoon, I spent my hour watching Private Practice.
An episode about something new.
A new person in her life.
How excited she was, dressing up for dates, hot saucy sex on the couch.
Reminiscing much about new breath, new dining place.

Last night, I subconsciously stared at her.
She is new in the picture.
Each time he smiles, I glared.
Each time she held on his arms, my heart twitched.

Angels Cry by Mariah Carey and Ne Yo
We were so good together
How come we could not weather
This storm and just do better
Why did we say goodbye

Finding someone new is easy,
finding something real is easy.
keeping it new and real is not.

I dreamed you now every night,
in my mind is where we meet,
and when I’m awake
staring at pictures of you asleep.

Touching your face,
invading you space.

They’re a part of the list.
Things that I miss.
Things like your funny little laugh,
the way you smile or the way we kiss.

Several nights I slept on this couch,
I no longer dream of misfortunes,
but I wake up every morning
wishing you would left me a message.

Some nights,
I was awaken by the desperate melody,
accompanied by lyrics that looped constantly in my unconscious mind,
Wishing you’d come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time.

Overdue manicure and pedicure is pretty annoying. My nails are chipped and emotionally tarnished. The red is as ugly as the old hotel ballroom carpets.

The condition of my toe nails are essential. Basically, you’ll never see my toe nails without polish on. I am handicapped without my coloured toe nails.

So, here I am sitting here being pampered. Life is good.

A deal was made yesterday in the midst of a hungry dim sum lover meeting Sunday morning. A harsh judge of taste on those little metal plates, I demand for another Sunday morning dim sum.

An invitation to new faces, self-doubting exploration: a karaoke session. One Sunday afternoon in a filtered room, strangers were introduced, lights were dimmed, 4 microphones in good performance state, eight years of anti-karaoke was diminished. This afternoon, there I was in room no. 3, holding onto the microphone, SINGING. Fast paced seconds ticked, unsatisfied; we pulled a scheme – extension. Feeling at cloud 9, my skin was stripped apart. Tingling sensation on my throat, ecstasy fickle each time my voice transfused into my impaired ear.

Sing-along with the crappy lovesick songs, 90′s boybands, Chinese characters admiration, Malay/Indon classics, screaming rock & roll stars, Friday club hits and Korean Wonder Girls, I infested myself with excessive crappy music videos. Hot blonde wears a see-through dress on a beautiful beach, flicking her hair, smiling, giggling, jumping on the waves, she’s all wet; rolling her body on the white fine sand and slowly the camera zooms to her feet moving towards her neckline emphasizing her cleavage. Repelled, I was. Nevertheless, these are some of my favourites today:

1. Lagenda by Sheila Majid

2. All I Want is You by 911

3. I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing by Aerosmith

4. Kau Ilhamku by Man Bai

5. Empire State of Mind by Jay-Z and Alicia Keys

At the spur of self-entertaining, FM sang Justin Bieber’s Baby and cracked the best joke of the day. Laughters from the broken heart vibrate ridiculously sinful. A fearful afternoon melted the rays of strangers glare in a prolonged desirable six hours of hostile voice projection. I smiled and waved goodbye to the strangers, now friends.

Dinner table was set in the heart of the city lights. The loud percussion instruments with Turkish vocal intrudes the sweet scent coming from the hookah pipes, miserably tranquillizing. Two females in a Yemeni restaurant dining, story-telling. She spoke about her past, her childhood stories, her relationships. I admire her humbleness, her naiveness. Her hospitableness astonish me immensely. Despite it all, I still have my armour on, protecting my beating flimsy heart.

My first weekend in August.