Last night I attended one of my good friend’s father’s funeral.

Funny thing was, I was thinking about my own funeral the entire wake.
I started thinking about my present and how I want things to work out to be.

I thought about
how short and meaningless life can be,
how we often try to make (empty) promises / plans in our lives,
how we never look at the better part of our lives.

I saw some new and familiar faces, I felt something I’ve not felt for a long time.
I felt love and belonging.

Then,
I started pondering who would attend my funeral and say something good about my time here.
I started thinking if they are my friends or someone I barely know.
I started counting the numbers of people that would shed a tear when the news break.

Many shed tears reading a love story.
I refused to be weak.
I refused to be fragile.
I refused to cry.
I’ve lost hope in father figures.
He might be one of the most awesome men on Earth with his 110% dedication and commitment but I’ve lost hope in mine.

It caught me thinking about me and my father.
I felt no regrets what’s going on between me and my father.
I felt no desire to repair.

The deceased’s relative shared something during the memorial service last night,
‘You can pick your friends, but not your family.
That is what God has arranged for you.’

God made me stronger, tougher and smarter.
I’ve forgiven him.
He is my family.
She is not.
I don’t need to know her, love her, understand her.

Happy Father’s Day to the deserving ones.

To those that has played the role of a father;
Held the responsibilities as a father;
Was a father,
Am a father,
Soon a father.